Allow me to translate for those of you who don't speak Councilese...
The Great City Council today stood firm, taking a no-nonsense position on the tricky question of whether to fund yet another millionaire gamble with the city's fiscal and physical future, in the form of yet another taxpayer subsidized sports complex - laws which were passed by the citizenry to prevent this exact scenario be damned! But they didn't just bend over and take one for the team this time, no siree. They laid down some tough love and some strict requirements which had to be met before they signed over the city's future. Here's how the council triumphed in the face of withering pressure:
1. A requirement that some portion of the tax revenues skimmed off the basketball arena's profits be used to "improve traffic" in the area neighborhood.
What this really means: Nothing specific. To this city government, the way they "improve traffic" is to reduce road capacity. Streets around the stadiums will have lanes removed, turning them over to bike lanes. Freight containers heading for China by way of the Port of Seattle will be encouraged to use public transit via a subsidized Metro bus pass. The rest of you, enjoy the drive in that beautiful tunnel - at 10 bucks each way, you're gonna love it.
2. Improvements to the city's increasingly forlorn and now rarely used Key Arena to make it a more attractive venue.
What this really means: The city will repaint Key Arena, replacing all the mens' bathrooms with womens' in hopes of keeping the WNBA Storm as the last paying tenant. The Storm will eventually move to the new Bellevue Sports Arena to be closer to Redmond, leaving Key Arena's corporate skybox suites (which really are inadequate) to be used as a shelter for the city's homeless sports fans.
Regrettably, the expenses involved with these improvements means that there will be no funding left for the wonderful Ballard Streetcar project. The project will be built anyway, since the SLUT prototype streetcar project has been so successful, with an estimated ridership of a couple dozen lost tourists on a good day, and because the mayor and council thinks streetcars are just so cool.
But none of that matters, because we will have our beloved Soooopersonics back, and anyone with 300 bucks to spare can go watch them anytime they want.
Seattle just keeps getting better and better. Thank you, Seattle voters, for electing VISIONARY LEADERS! You're a world class city - enjoy it!