1. 

   lifeisamazing
   

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   I'm not talking about trolls. I'm talking about people being nasty. If I'm at a party and someone disagrees with me, I have no problem with a polite interesting exchange.

   I decided to leave this particular cyberparty for a while after being called an ahole, stupid and irrelevant but found I missed some of the other people. I can't figure out how to come to the party and avoid the nasty people.

   And 'just ignore them' isn't reasonable. If there was a party in my noncyber life where I knew that for any comment I made I could be blind sided with a nasty middle school snark or name calling why would I go? I'd just find another time and place to hang out with the interesting, intelligent, friendly people.

   Any thoughts?

   (Wow, this one should really bring them out of the woodwork, anyone want to lay bets on how many posts on this thread are nasty as opposed to nice?)

   Posted 6 months ago #
2. 

   Nora Charles
   

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   This is just a forum...fun and sometimes informative. The nasty remark thing is what it is. There will always be someone on a public forum who is full of hate and snide remarks. I once heard of a large business starting up an employee blog...after two weeks they had to take it down because of the cyber slamming. At least myballard is still alive and kicking. The nasty people are always going to be lurking around...its a public forum...stick around though...its fun!

   Posted 6 months ago #
3. 

   pennygirl
   

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   You didn't do yourself any favors by saying:

   (Wow, this one should really bring them out of the woodwork, anyone want to lay bets on how many posts on this thread are nasty as opposed to nice?)

   Do you want to be friendly or do you want to instigate something? That right there was you hoping that someone is going to come out and challenge you. Grow up.

   Posted 6 months ago #
4. 

   great idea
   

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   there's a great example right off the bat.

   if I was at a party and made some (seemingly) innocuous remark, and someone barked out, "grow up!" I would probably grab my umbrella and leave.

   Posted 6 months ago #
5. 

   pennygirl
   

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   If I was at a party and someone started whining for no reason I would hand them the umbrella and ask them to leave.

   Grow up.

   Posted 6 months ago #
6. 

   great idea
   

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   ...and I'd start poking that person with the umbrella, all the while laughing like the Penguin from Batman.

   Posted 6 months ago #
7. 

   pennygirl
   

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   But you didn't say that did you?

   Posted 6 months ago #
8. 

   teigyr
   

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   "I would probably grab my umbrella and leave."

   *snicker*

   There are some blunt and matter of fact people here. Rarely have I seen anybody truly mean -- and I have to say I prefer the blunt people over perpetual hand-holding and wailing. Some people always have drama.

   I think the blunt people liven things up.

   Posted 6 months ago #
9. 

   Pokerguy
   

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   I think you need to get a thicker skin, people here are rarely mean compared to some other places on the internet.

   I have had some really unpleasant things said about me completely unprovoked and I don't let it bother me at all.

   Posted 6 months ago #
10. 

    pennygirl
    

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    Exactly Poker.

    Posted 6 months ago #
11. 

    GAM
    

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    The thing is, the people who are making mean comments on anonymous internet forums are doing it for their own kicks. It's not about you. You just happened to be what caught their attention.

    The best way to deal with that sort of behavior is to engage in the opposite behavior. Make meaningful comments. Thank people. Acknowledge other comments' value. And of course call people's bluffs when they spout nonsense. It can be done without being combative.

    Posted 6 months ago #
12. 

    SmartsyArtsy
    

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    There's quite a difference between irrevalent, stupid comments and you being irrevalent or stupid. The difference is understood by a mature person.

    You also created a thread with bait and switch aspect to it. this is about you, not MB members.

    Posted 6 months ago #
13. 

    Pokerguy
    

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    I must be immature because I have no idea what that means...

    Posted 6 months ago #
14. 

    NW whippet
    

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    I don't see Lifeisamazing as doing a bait and switch, I took it as she was trying to make light of what she thought was going happen... which is what did happen. I give her credit in trying to bring up a probably not very easy subject... and I don't think it's stupid or that she is stupid either. She's always been nice and trying to be helpful as far as I read this board. (Granted, it hasn't been a whole lot...)

    Posted 6 months ago #
15. 

    Pokerguy
    

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    I don't think she is stupid either. Just naive and overly sensitive.

    Posted 6 months ago #
16. 

    pennygirl
    

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    Exactly Poker. Did I say that already?

    Posted 6 months ago #
17. 

    Ernie
    

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    Don't bring me down......MyBallard....

    http://youtu.be/qj8kMmUxkSE

    Posted 6 months ago #
18. 

    racerX
    

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    ELO! :)

    Posted 6 months ago #
19. 

    woodchucker
    

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    Thanks Ernie, much appreciated!

    Posted 6 months ago #
20. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    Hey, thanks GI, I do think, though, that we should grow up. Maybe we can get together and hang out at an elementary school to learn the intricacies of the nanner nanner. Just yesterday my niece was talking about the mean things that people say to each other in school I gave her my sympathies and said "You wouldn't believe it but grown ups do the same thing. Only they hide behind anonymity on the internet".

    And thanks - I think - whippet :)

    Gam, I think that is where I have been coming from but it doesn't seem to make a difference as evidenced in this thread.

    I'd love to be a fly on the wall and see how they treat people face to face; coworkers, people on the street, family members.

    teigyr you brought up an interesting idea. Some people like that kind of post some don't. Too many nice people have left the forum because of not wanting to be nailed. Maybe we could mark our threads somehow so that we all can know if the thread is a Lets-be-snarkey(blunt) or a Hand-holding-interested-in-your-opinion-even-if-it-isn't-mine thread. We can all sign up for which type we want to have access to. I like it. Swedes?

    Posted 6 months ago #
21. 

    nwcitizen
    

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    Part of growing up is learning to treat people with respect. I for one appreciate your comments LIA. Thanks for having the courage to speak up.

    One of the things I've learned is that written exchanges such as via email or a forum like this are way different than face-to-face exchanges because you don't get the visual cues that can tell you if the person is teasing, making a joke, angry, scowling, etc. As a result something that may be said in jest can be taken quite differently than it is intended by the person on the receiving end.

    Posted 6 months ago #
22. 

    Cate
    

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    LIA - Sometimes Penny is snarky but other times she has been amazingly kind and supportive. That goes for Pokerguy, stopgo and others too. I do get upset sometimes by the "meanness" on here but just five minutes ago I had to hurry and edit a post before anyone read it because I had been mean. I think that a lot of times people are trying to be funny in some way but it comes across as mean because we cannot see their face or hear the tone in their voice. I guess I enjoy the conversation here enough to also accept the "meanness". Remember they don't really know you or each other (for the most part)so it is not personally directed.

    Posted 6 months ago #
23. 

    Pokerguy
    

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    Part of growing up is also realizing people have different opinions than you, and sometimes they are blunt. People also may at times be short with you, or even, gasp, mean! Part of growing up is learning to deal with that and understanding people aren't going to coddle you and treat you with kid gloves.

    Posted 6 months ago #
24. 

    racerX
    

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    +1 Cate

    Posted 6 months ago #
25. 

    racerX
    

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    +1 Pokerguy

    Posted 6 months ago #
26. 

    teigyr
    

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    Cate, you beat me to it. Snark doesn't necessarily equate to mean, either. There have been a few times when it's been really unsnarky here and while I appreciate recipes (and quite frequently write them down), sometimes the humor here is classic.

    FWIW :)

    Posted 6 months ago #
27. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    True Poker, I just don't choose to be around those people. Unfortunately, not being around those people means I have to give up all the interesting/intelligent/nice people on here.

    I'm no stranger to the snark in fact I had to do some heavy editing on my last post because I was a bit too blunt for my own taste. Caring about hurting someone's feelings is also part of growing up. Even if they've hurt yours. (OMG did I talk about hurt feelings? What a whiny baby. That's OK. Being "over sensitive" helps me not to be a jerk because it isn't like I can't be)

    Thank you and I agree with the growing up part, NW, and I know that things can be misinterpreted but unfortunately that ain't what I'm talking about.

    Posted 6 months ago #
28. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    Just saw the Snark = mean post. Your right, I may have that wrong. From now on I'll just use the word mean because that is what I'm talking about.

    It is interesting to read what people are saying about this.

    Posted 6 months ago #
29. 

    teigyr
    

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    I think though too that people see what they want to see and perceive it from their own mindset. Someone could be insulted and they could think "what the f is up with that person...must be having a bad day" or they could cry quietly to themselves because they feel they were insulted. Sometimes it's hard to make it not all about you (not you in particular, the figurative you) but a lot of times, it isn't.

    You know, I don't think we've had a good old fashioned "I'm leaving and this is IT and I'm never coming back again" type thread in a while. At least a couple of weeks.

    Posted 6 months ago #
30. 

    julesage
    

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    Many of us that we're posting "back in the good ole days " on here when this thing started have seen this cycle repeatedly. It's pretty basic. With most topics and stories, come differing opinions. It's a whole lot different to type a conversation than to have a real, verbal one face to face. With that being said, asshats will be as asshats. Just like everywhere in life. It really IS a choice. I also know & respect several folks on here that may be considered blunt who are very amazing people. Ive also seen a bunch of us all pull together, opinions aside, and help people like no others. (garage sale a couple of years ago for gal who was losing her place to live)If you enjoy the forum, stay & participate. If you don't, find something else to do. But....why bitch & moan? We all have enough in life to be pissy about. Pull up your boot straps and be pleasant. Good day

    Posted 6 months ago #
31. 

    BuffaloHawk
    

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    I actually think it is a decent change of pace to find a place in Seattle that isn't so passive aggressive. I can understand at time where people can get hurt or be offended but reality is that there are differences of opinions out there.

    It sure as hell beats this choice

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMQGI9URBbY

    Posted 6 months ago #
32. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    There have been several references on this thread to differences of opinion. That isn't what I'm talking about.

    I think differences of opinion make for great conversations. I have a brother who is a staunch Republican. I am not.
    We joke about it and have great conversations about it. We never try and make each other feel stupid for our beliefs, we listen to the other's opinion, and in the end each still feel basically the same but I like to think each of us has a better handle on what we do believe.

    I'm also not talking about misinterpretation. What I'm talking about has no room for misinterpretation, it's pretty straight forward.

    Calling someone an a-hole, or calling their beliefs stupid or irrelevant is pretty straightforward. Wouldn't hang out for that at a party but I would have the option to hang out with the people i liked at another venue. In this situation to give up one I'd have to give up the other. Bummer.

    Posted 6 months ago #
33. 

    Boris
    

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    Online is no consequences. In real life if person is jerk you punch in face or make love to his wife or send to work camp. Online is no such threat. It make internet less than might be and saddens Boris.

    Posted 6 months ago #
34. 

    ballardo
    

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    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19

    It's this.

    Posted 6 months ago #
35. 

    Ernie
    

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    LIA, I totally hear where you're coming from, but I wouldn't say that the issue you're raising is "pretty straight forward". It's totally subjective, and everyone is going to have a different interpretation.

    For example, I've been called and a-hole on here before, didn't bother me in the least, I actually thought it was kind of funny as the person was just projecting :)

    Additionally, Onder and I have been calling eachother's beliefs stupid and irrelevant on a fairly regular basis for a couple of years now, and it doesn't seem to keep either of us from coming back for more. I'd even go to a party with him.

    Everyone has a different tolerance for disagreeable conversation and, speaking for myself, I've found this particular forum to be a pretty good fit.

    fwiw......

    Posted 6 months ago #
36. 

    Boris
    

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    Ballardo you not pay attention! Pokerguy say he cocksucker in real life too. Prove you wrong.

    Posted 6 months ago #
37. 

    onederfullone
    

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    "Calling someone an a-hole, or calling their beliefs stupid or irrelevant is pretty straightforward."

    Maybe you haven't walked a step in my shoes, LIA. I came to you in response to a need I could address. I did. You left a snarky thread in response to my effort. I get you.

    I'm not going to ever spill my guts to you, it would be a waste.

    btw, thanks for your e-mail to me telling me about your appreciation of my effort, you clearly do not understand the risks involved.

    Maybe it's just mean, but I tend to keep track of back-stabbers in my life.

    ps. Your brother is a saint. I am not.

    Posted 6 months ago #
38. 

    Boris
    

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    Thread has more drama than old episode of Bonaza.

    Posted 6 months ago #
39. 

    pennygirl
    

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    I think it has more of a Young And The Restless feel to it.

    Posted 6 months ago #
40. 

    BuffaloHawk
    

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    "All My Ballardites"

    although the original "Children" can be reinserted at times

    Posted 6 months ago #
41. 

    onederfullone
    

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    Please tell me I'm Young...

    facebook!

    okay, I'm restless...

    Posted 6 months ago #
42. 

    pennygirl
    

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    You can play the role of Jack Abbott 1der :-)

    Posted 6 months ago #
43. 

    onederfullone
    

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    If I knew who Jack Abbott was...would I be pleased?

    Don't answer if you are going to be mean ;-)

    Posted 6 months ago #
44. 

    BuffaloHawk
    

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    It has to be nicer than Jack Off.

    Posted 6 months ago #
45. 

    pennygirl
    

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    Me? Mean? Never!!!

    Jack Abbott is charming 1der :-)

    (But he's also a bit of a rascal...)

    Posted 6 months ago #
46. 

    BuffaloHawk
    

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    oneder = ladies man

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Abbott_%28The_Young_and_the_Restless%29

    After graduating from college, Jack attends Harvard Business School where he becomes captain of the debate team. Jack graduates with an MBA and also gains the reputation of a playboy.

    Posted 6 months ago #
47. 

    onederfullone
    

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    whew...and ty.

    I am charming ;-p

    Posted 6 months ago #
48. 

    great idea
    

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    so, does Jack turn into a total asshole that posts useless Youtube videos and tells everyone to STFU?

    Posted 6 months ago #
49. 

    Boris
    

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    Bonanza is man soap opera. Young and Restless is typical western woman program. Is genius! Brain wash equality and make woman consumer. Give illusion of freedom but make slave to washing machine and spotless glasses.

    Posted 6 months ago #
50. 

    Mondoman
    

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    What with so many folks changing their avatars all the time, I can't always remember who's mostly naughty and who's mostly nice. I agree with you, lia, except I do think ignoring the naughty folk is about all you can do. They wouldn't act naughty if they weren't trying to get a response, so after you've made it clear to them that they're not playing well with others, just don't provide any response.

    Posted 6 months ago #
51. 

    BuffaloHawk
    

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    This is definitely not the time of year to be naughty.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQy_ppY2bI

    Posted 6 months ago #
52. 

    pennygirl
    

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    Do people change their avatars regularly? I thought everyone pretty much stuck with what they had.

    No great idea. That is the Victor Newman character. Jack and Victor don't get along very well (understatement), so I guess there are a few people here who could take that role :-)

    Posted 6 months ago #
53. 

    Boris
    

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    Victor is Eurotrash CEO kind of like Boris. Is insufferable jerk, but once you love man like Victor....

    Posted 6 months ago #
54. 

    teigyr
    

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    Oneder, I'm sorry. That sucks.

    Julesage, nice to see you :)

    Ernie, nicely said.

    At least it's stopped raining, for now.

    Posted 6 months ago #
55. 

    crownhiller
    

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    As Jules said - this kind of thread comes around every once in a while. I think there is something to be said for, as much as possible, following the golden rule - you know, to paraphrase - treat others the way you wish to be treated. It goes a long way - and though it's hard to do (I know I have personally crossed that line many times) if you can step back, count to 10 and let the heat of anger/hurt go, all of life will be easier.

    There will always be nice people and jerks - sometimes in the same body at different times. Life is much easier if you can roll with the punches instead of letting them beat you down.

    Posted 6 months ago #
56. 

    onederfullone
    

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    A golden rule...I remember it being a mainstay here. /sarcasm.

    I'm not saying it isn't a good thing, but I am seeing it's nothing here.

    In fact, it seems to be a sign of weakness, fwiw.

    Posted 6 months ago #
57. 

    crownhiller
    

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    well then I am weak because it's how I roll there sir ;o) You always have a choice in any interchange - nothing says you can't break the "business as usual" mold ;o)

    Posted 6 months ago #
58. 

    chrisjeff
    

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    I liken the people who mess negatively with other people on forum threads, to those who drive a car with callous aggression. They're in a private space, protected, and they gain a small sense of power for themselves by cutting off, or out quipping some other driver, person. It's them, not you, never take it personally.
    I enjoy the myballad forum, humor seems to trump most of the negative stuff.

    Posted 6 months ago #
59. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    Ballardo, LMAO! That's the fun difference between you and me, I manage to say in 263.5 words what you have to use 5 for. :)

    Posted 6 months ago #
60. 

    lifeisamazing
    

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    1der,

    "Maybe you haven't walked a step in my shoes, LIA. I came to you in response to a need I could address. I did. You left a snarky thread in response to my effort. I get you."

    I apologize. I gave a quick look at past treads and can't find any where you helped me and I snarked at you. I'm not asking you to spill your guts and if you'd prefer I won't address it online but could you tell me which thread it was.
    Also, I emailed you? I'm confused but I'm confused often.

    Posted 6 months ago #

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