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is imitation the sincerest form of flattery

(38 posts)

Started 4 months ago by gracie
Latest reply from BuffaloHawk

gracie

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If someone:
finds out name of clothing store you go to start going there & buying same clothes (where before it was strictly certain labels)
finds out what grocery store you go to & starts going there
finds out name of hairdresser & starts going there - although long drive from home
finds out name of new food plan and now suddenly is on it
Never would step in a Value Village type store but found that you were & now goes all the time
buys same book after seeing you are reading it ---
is this flattery or a stalker so-to-speak. I go for a form of flattery but still kind of creepy.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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It is called your shadow.

Posted 4 months ago #
VeganBiker

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gracie - tell them that you are now dumpster diving and if they start doing that then you have a problem. :)

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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"Just me and my shadow".....................
vegan - now that is funny.

Posted 4 months ago #
onederfullone

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Gracie, the term would actually be 'the sincerest form of flattery', because it is.

What you describe is 'following' which is not flattering.

Facebook comes to mind, but there are too many others as well. Maybe I don't care, but then again, I wasted a post to say, pho-get about it.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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haHa

My mother would sing that to me when I would do what other kids where doing. It was her way of teaching me not to be a follower.

VB good one . Gracie tell them you prefer to use the Honey Bucket at Ballard Commons on hot summer day;)

Posted 4 months ago #
dsomers

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OooooooK Gracie, Earworm alert.

I don't know why, but for some reason, your last quote "singing" Me and my shadow brought the tune for Harry Nielson's "Me and My Arrow" song into my head. It immediately took up residence and now I am stuck. Sigh.

D

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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d probaly better than GI's earwig;)

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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LIA - Thanks for finding I left out word sincerest. I changed it. Thanks. And D - so sorry for the earworm. Mine is that darn song from The Muppets. Oh damn, I just gave myself an earworm
Yewww- the honey bucket at Ballard Commons.

Posted 4 months ago #
Edog

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Best Muppet Song Ever!!!

(Song Starts at 4:37) http://youtu.be/qgc-_pzzz00

I used to dime this and rock out to it in college and play along!

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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I always like this Muppet tune. I guess they where hipster before it was kewl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHXZA_5XMJ4

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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Once that song gets in my head it just won't leave!!!! And of course everybody knows it and periodically will walk by me humming it.

Posted 4 months ago #
onederfullone

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LIA?

sincerely confused I am...

yw, fwiw.

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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And I obviously need a great big cup of coffee. My apologies, Onederfullone!

Posted 4 months ago #
HeardOnthe44

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Gracie,

I recommend reading "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Do you feel flattered by the behavior or feel ..... stalked? By what you listed, it sure sounds like the person obsessed with you.

If it was just one thing on your list, I'd call it " coincidence ". When it gets to two, you're looking at a pattern of behavior.......stalking behavior. Have a third person with you if you feel like you need to confront the behavior and ask the obsessed one to stop.

I speak from experience......I could have written close to that same list, and then some. Please take care of yourself and steer clear of that person. Document. Speak to someone you trust and put together a plan to keep yourself safe.

Heard

Posted 4 months ago #
great idea

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this wouldn't be the same person who stuck their hand in your glass of wine to scoop out a fruit fly, is it?

and if so, did you do that first? and if so, what would possess you to do something so disgusting?

if it's someone else, I'd say you're a weirdo-magnet of some kind.

Posted 4 months ago #
crownhiller

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Gracie - Heard is spot on - while that kind of behavior can feel flattering at first, it represents a slippery slope. Depending on the person, it can degeneraate into something much more...well sinister. Trust your instincts - if it continues or changes to things that are more classically "stalkerish" - phone calls, emails etc then don't hesitate to do something about it. Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings - take care of yourself.

Posted 4 months ago #
Compass Rose

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Gracie, is this someone you work with? A casual friend? The wine glass girl?

Either way, I'd take Heard's advice seriously. That sounds creepy. Made me think of the movie "Single White Female."

Posted 4 months ago #
pennygirl

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Male or female Gracie?

Posted 4 months ago #
phoo

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I generally put this into the "creepy" category, echoing what others' have said.

The "flattery" theory says that the person thinks you are well put together and wants to become more like you, not out of creepiness, but simply wanting to become a better person and using you as an example. Reading the same book, going on the same food plan or even the same hair place could be examples of this. Though I wonder how you know about the new hair stylist? Is it announced? If so, that's another behaviour in itself.

However, buying the same clothing labels and going to the same grocery store is creepy. Ok, so maybe the grocery store is just because they discovered it was closer/better to them because they live in the same general area (if they drive way out of their way, be concerned). The clothing labels... that is creepy.

There's a third thought here... these are the behaviours you know about. If there are this many (and it's a lot), chances are there are more emulating behaviours you are unaware of. As others have said, be aware. Is it a female or a male?

I am uncertain how to deal with it, it sounds like Heard has been there. Keep a very close eye out for escalation.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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If I apply to want to work with gracie...Not... Almost Live(Office environment)..If I ever interview and the biddy j/k claims to have a cat named Pickles I know where to search for interview results.. fwiw

Posted 4 months ago #
pennygirl

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Gracie. If you are worried about it say something to the person. Nothing like an open dialogue to sort things out. Unless it is a stalker. In that case the cops are your friends.

Posted 4 months ago #
teigyr

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If it's a stalker, wouldn't they be reading this forum? Maybe they are actually posting here.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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I am digging the word "Biddy".. fwiw.. hehe

Posted 4 months ago #
pennygirl

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Who the hell knows. At least they haven't got a cat called Pickles. Yet...

Posted 4 months ago #
pennygirl

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Biddies are great regardless of what anyone says BH. Every female turns into a biddy eventually even though they don't want to admit it.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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I was drinking 40's at GG and this girl from Bellingham needed a lift after the burning of Christmas trees back to school.I strapped her biddy mom to the ski rack since she harshed my gig;)

Posted 4 months ago #
teigyr

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I just keep thinking of a few scenes in Fatal Attraction.

Posted 4 months ago #
Compass Rose

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This is a woman doing this, Gracie, yes? It might be even creepier if it was a man, but this seems like bunny-boiler female behavior.

While I am normally a fan of the direct approach, I would not recommend it here. Is this a close friend of yours? Aquaintance? Colleague?

Posted 4 months ago #
DimpleDolly

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Made me think of this movie ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LclFf6HrDkI

Posted 4 months ago #
Mondoman

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BH - you beat me to it - just hoping it's not the girl from Bellingham copying Gracie.

Posted 4 months ago #
great idea

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"this seems like bunny-boiler female behavior. "

ha! never heard that expression before.

I'm guessing it's a woman since this person was "buying the same clothes" as gracie which would be odd if a man did that.

however, I wouldn't see that as less a threat. a woman could still be a stalker w/ bad intentions. in fact, I'd be more nervous. as teigyr said, she is probably reading this forum if not contributing.

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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GI .. Interesting

If she is imitating everything it is just a matter of time before we have a new member named gracie2 and learn about the other half of the office if it is a coworker;) If the person is a guy we will learn about the office from a male point of view.

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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BH - did I read your one post that you are calling me the biddie?
And to others - it is a female but it's not wine glass girl. One thing she does not know I do is go to My Ballard. (at least I have one thing just to myself!) I have confronted/asked her why she was shopping at that one particular clothing store when before she had said "oh, their clothes are below my standards. I only shop at Chico's." Didn't have an answer for me. Now she only wears clothes from the store I previously went to (quit going). I have been stalked in the past & it's a unsettling feeling. And two of them came close to a bad ending and ended up involving the police & one guy arrested.
I said initially this situation is creepy - I would say more annoying. I really don't think she would resort to anything bad.
A difference (one of many) between us is that I get more attention and am liked by more acquaintances that we know (God, that sounds so arrogant - I always feel uncomfortable blowing my own horn)
Head _ I have heard about that book & will sure look it up. Thanks for that.
Phoo - regarding hairdresser before I caught onto her she asked me where I got my hair done & name of person who did it. That's how she started seeing him & he has told me she comes to him because my name will come up in conversation.

Posted 4 months ago #
angeline

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Gracie, I think you are quite possibly too nice. Think about it -- this is the second time you've been here to post about a "friend" who treats you in a way that is odd at least. I have to wonder how you become close to people like this. It is an admirable quality that you ignore the quirks in favor of getting to know people, but there's got to be a limit! Maybe the book Heard and Phoo recommend will have some tips. I presume you have other, healthy relationships but it sounds like you let the bad ones go on a bit too long. No wonder your mutual acquaintances prefer you given the behavior you describe. I bet they like you better than the are-you-cold-yet-oops-there's-a-bug-in-your-wine gal, too.

Posted 4 months ago #
gracie

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Angeline - both cases are co-workers. There's many employees here & I just seem to "luck out". This particular person I didn't actively reach out to at any point. Just luck of the draw for me. I wouldn't call her a friend - more of an work acquaintance. When I said we shared acquaintances before I meant to say co-worker. For now I'm doing my best to avoid her and hope she'll get the picture! \
And the stalking incidents I mentioned one was a total stranger & other ex-boyfriend (he's the one who ended up in jail).
At least this current person isn't like situation some years back. I was getting obscene phone calls at home. Voice disguised. Knew one day I was wearing a blue dress. No matter how many times I changed number this person would get it. Telephone security felt it was a co-worker & told me to look for someone who would come up & engage in conversation day after call, i.e., so what did you do last night type of thing. And what grossed me out the following day of one call this person from down the hall came up to my desk & asked me just that. Thought nah, can't be. It was a woman. Well next call same person came up to my desk following morning. I told her oh nothing but I've been getting these obscene phone calls. The phone company has a trace on my phone & they're going to hand over the information to police so can be arrested. No more phone calls. Now that really creeped me out. Thankfully she got fired shortly thereafter for another reason.
Thankfully I only have two weird contacts - the rest of my friends are wonderful.

Posted 4 months ago #
stopgo

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let me guess. its buffalo hawk

Posted 4 months ago #
BuffaloHawk

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Mr Fail.. thanks for the drive by

Posted 4 months ago #